I was born into a Roman Catholic family. We went to church on
Easter Sunday , EVERY YEAR I have known from a very young age that I wanted to know "GOD"
better. Even in grammar school, I wanted to learn and understand
more. This was always frowned on in catechism or school. I was always
told to not question, to just believe what they told me. There were a few loving, open people in my life at that time
that tried to guide me closer to God. When I was in the eighth grade, I
came within days of entering the convent to become a Sister of the
Immaculate Heart. I remember thinking at the time, oh how I wanted to
serve God. But this was not to be, and now I understand why, and
understand that even at that young age, because I was truly seeking, I
was truly being guided by the Holy Spirit. While I was in Catholic High School I began to have questions
about what I had been taught. For the first time in over 10 years in
"religious" school, I picked up a bible. I took these questions to my
priest and was promptly told over and over not to question, because if
I didn't just believe what the priests and nuns told me, I would go to
hell. While I was in High School, there was one nun, Sister Raphael,
that I shall never forget and hope to someday find her. She was causing
quite a problem in the convent, rumors fly in a small High School. The
next I heard, she was leaving the convent. As she left, after listening
to my many "bad days," she leaned close, and said to me, "Kathleen, find
Jesus, no matter what else you hear or do. HE is waiting for you." So I began that search. I found a "charasmatic" Catholic church.
I thought I had finally found my place, but still no one could answer my
questions. Why wasn't what we were taught in the bible? So, when I was 15, I started making phone calls. I found an
Assembly of God Church right up the street from my house. Again, God was
guiding my path, because the very person who answered the phone had my
answers. IT WAS ALL IN THE BIBLE! FREEDOM! Not what I had been taught,
but the TRUTH! I attended this church for some time and became very close
friends with a family, the Beechers. My parents were very loving, but
they truly were not interested in my spiritual walk. Amanda Beecher and
I became VERY dear friends. She planted many seeds that are now growing
strong in Jesus. I was rebaptized a child of the RISEN CHRIST on April 24, 1979.
My 16th Birthday. Then something TERRIBLE happened. I FELL. I fell in love with a
man. Watching the majority of the Christians around me , I felt I could
NEVER be that good I talked to the Lord, but felt no answer. My road to walking away from the Lord just got worse and worse.
I became pregnant when I was 21, unwed, but so in love . . . I thought.
The church was VERY supportive of me and offered to help me find a home
for my baby. But I wanted to keep my baby and that they didn't approve
of this, which pushed me further away. I did have my beautiful daughter,
and I know now that God was working even thru those mistakes of
disobedience of mine. Bringing me to Him. Her name is Corey, named
(although misspelled) after Cory Tenboom. I talked to the Lord, but again, felt no answer. I started to do the very things that I hated in other young
people. I began to drink and sleep around. This went on for some months
after the birth of my daughter. Then I realized that something was very
wrong, but still was not sure what that was Again I talked to the Lord, but felt no answer. But I will tell you, that thru all of this, my bible was never
far. I didn't always read it, but it was precious to my heart. The more the Lord called me back, the more I fought it. Then,
when my daughter was 2 and a half, her father and I got married. He was
not a believer, and had played with Satanism and other religions. BOY
was I blinded. I finished nursing School and enjoyed my married life . . . or did
I? My husband was not happy and took to being physically violent, which
caused me to be verbally abusive to him. Such a vicious cycle we
created In 1989 I had my son, Michael, and thru all of this, whenever I
was upset, or scared, I spoke to God, but never heard an answer. My
husband went back into the Navy--he was in the Navy when we met. I
just KNEW our life would be better in Virginia where he was
stationed . . . No matter what I knew in my heart was right, I chose not to be
obedient to God. For whatever reason, and there are many, most of all
selfishness, I thought I knew better than GOD. I thought GOD didn't care.
It was easier to not believe--or so I thought My married life went thru some REAL struggles. As it got worse,
so did I. I began to have feelings for another man. I was searching for
SOMETHING . . . anything to fill this void. I again talked to God, but received no answer. Then it all
began to happen . . . A friend of my husband visited the Vatican. I had , in these
years, decided that I would "always" be a Catholic, because it's like an
injection they give you at birth I was attending school to become a veterinary assistant. During
my clinical, the vet I was working for, mentioned many times about
bible studies she was attending. I felt those old pangs in my heart
again. I talked to God again, but I heard no answer . . . So i began praying again . . . My husband had become Wicca, and acquired many Wicca friends.
As much as I disliked it, I had no idea why. So I just went with the
flow So it was safe and didn't upset my husband to spend time reading
and searching on the net. My trusty bible found a place on my desk,
albeit not used yet. During this time my marriage came to a melt-down, and almost
ended. We both believing it was OK, but the marriage was in shambles. I began, believing I was still Catholic, to search out my
"roots." And low and behold, that old feeling of biblical truth reared
its head. The more I searched my roots, the more I found they were not
mine, but those of the "church." This devastated me. But in this shambles, there sitting, waiting for me, almost
saying, "Where've you been?" was the Lord. The reason I felt that He never answered was because He
answered in HIS WORD quite clearly, and I chose not to listen. I emotionally collapsed. Of course, no one ever saw my emotions,
so no one ever knew the struggle going on. I tried to put this in the back of my mind, over and over. But
the Lord had my heart again, and was shaking it HARD. Then the Lord lead
me to search for IRC Christian channels. And I wandered into #Bible. I
found an Op (operator) there. Quietly sitting in channel. His nick was
HISLOVE. I just began to share a little, mundane chatter. He didn't know
it, but I was sobbing at the keyboard. I was so afraid, I felt like WAR
was going on in my heart. Little did I know, it was. Suddenly, out of
nowhere, this Op said to me, "Sweet child, have a quiet heart." MY
HEART SUNK . . . You see, I felt that now that I had wandered so far and
that my husband was a "witch," that there was no way God would take me
back. SATAN'S LIES. I knew that my belief would cause my marriage to GET
NASTY again, and there had seemed outwardly to be much improvement in my
marriage. SATAN'S LIES. And that day, I rededicated my life to the Lord. From that day
on, the Lord has given me a hunger for His Word, and a relationship with
HIM, not a church, not a preacher . . . with HIM. I now minister in
#christianhope on Dalnet. I teach Bible studies there, and have made
many many friends. I feel very called to minister to others who are
unequally yoked. And share with them the truth in GOD'S word. Being a
biblical wife has nothing to do with your husbands relationship with
God, but everything to do with YOURS My marriage, for a brief time got WORSE. Until I found that I
had to be that biblical wife, no matter what my husband believes, and
that my husband's relationship with GOD was between him and GOD. 1 Peter, chapter 3 verses 1-4 became my life blood. Both of my children love the Lord, and I pray daily that they
will continue to walk in His love. I have a peace that goes beyond all understanding. After initial
battles, my husband and I are RENEWED in our blessing of marriage. No, he
is not a believer yet, and may never be. But I pray daily that someday
he will join me in this walk. But as you can see, the Lord can turn your life around. You
don't have to "understand how" He is going to do it, or see a way out
yourself. He will make that way for you. He loves you THAT MUCH. But always remember, that Jesus is calling, but never miss his
voice because you don't look at your "bible in the drawer," or whatever
else is right under your nose that you are choosing not to look at. There is much more to tell, about what the Lord has shown me,
and given me in my life, but alas, this testimony is still being
written by the mightiest hand of all . . . MY LORD AND SAVIOR'S! Well, as I said, the Lord is still writing my testimony!! As of
this date, my beloved husband is SAVED!!! PRAISE GOD!!! Now I get to share
my walk with Jesus as I prayed for so many years!! I hope to have a link to
his testimony here soon. Keep us in your prayers! We've only just begun!
----March 6, 1998------
